All Shirts Go To Hell

It was with sadness that I read the following email that dropped into my inbox a few days ago (links removed):

T-Shirt Hell says goodbye. Thanks to all who supported us.

We're sorry to bring the news that T-Shirt Hell will be closing its doors on Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009. Everything is now on sale during our final days.

For a message from the creator of TSH, Sunshine Megatron, go here. To view our final new shirts, plus 14 shirts we are bringing back as a thank you to everyone (including some of the best of our old Worse Than Hell section), go here.

It's been a deliciously wicked ride. Devilspeed to all who supported us.

(Customer service on all orders will continue for 60 days beyond our close date.)

Sunshine Megatron (formerly Aaron Landau Schwartz), the founder of T-Shirt Hell, has also written a more substantial explanation of his decision to close down T-Shirt Hell, which can be read here. Whilst there are several reasons behind Megatron's choice given, the two that stick out the most to me are republished below:

"I just don't feel like dealing with idiots anymore. I'll give you an example of the kind of misguided morons we deal with on a regular basis at T-Shirt Hell. We released a new shirt a couple weeks ago that says "It's not gay if you beat them up afterwards". I will not explain the irony or the social commentary of the slogan because anyone with half a brain should be able to handle that on their own. Problem is, we've been besieged with emails from angry people complaining about the "fact" that the shirt is hate speech or that we're promoting gay bashing and should take it down immediately."

"I can't say I'm surprised we're getting hate mail from people who have nothing better to do than to start half-assed campaigns because of their lazy, just enough passion for an email, ideals towards a misguided cause. It happened when we did our first really controversial shirt, "The School Shootings Tour", it happened when we did our "What About All The Good Things Hitler Did" shirt, it happened when we did our "Arrest Black Babies Before They Become Criminals" shirt (boy did it happen then). It used to happen all the time when we did more social commentary and didn't give a fuck about what anyone thought and did shirts that did not leave anyone out. Unfortunately, as a concern for the safety of my employees, we don't push the envelope as much anymore...and I can't say I feel good about having caved in. Anyway, rather than cater to the masses, I'm just going to stop making shirts."

As a fan and sporadic customer of T-Shirt Hell for a good few years, I have several feelings towards Megatron's decision.

Firstly, I'm glad that he has decided to call it a day before he started resenting the company he created. T-Shirt Hell, whilst always flying in the face of political correctness, had definitely toned down its product somewhat in what are now its autumn years. I had heard that both Megatron and some of his staff had had serious attempts at physical harm made on them and that this was the reason things had been reined in ever so slightly. If he had continued on but watered down the product further, Megatron would have lost credibility with those people to whom he originally aimed his shirts. The same would have been true if he had decided to sell the name of T-Shirt Hell to a clothing company (something which he has also stated he actively chose not to do despite the serious profit he would have made). So Sunshine Megatron can walk away from T-Shirt Hell with his head held high and a legacy of which to be proud.

Secondly, I find it a somewhat depressing fact that the general public can bother to hound a t-shirt company which promotes humour not to their taste to the point that they would rather close their doors than bend to the pressure put upon them to change. There are much worse things in life than a t-shirt that offends you. If it offends you, don't wear it, don't buy it. If seeing someone wearing it in the street offends you, you have the right to let them know that, but don't actively seek out the website from which they bought the shirt and send them hate mail.

I suppose I'm lucky in that very few things in the world intended to be humorous offend me. Some humour is not to my taste, or more often I just don't find funny, but I'm not going to push for that humour to be removed from transmission, publication or however it is being put out there. Because the kind of humour I dislike is generally accepted by society, even if I did I would almost certainly be largely ignored and nothing would change. But if something is largely not accepted by society, that's when freedom of speech is ignored and people claim "offense", and the taste of some is often ultimately sacrificed for the intolerance of many.

I can feel myself getting into a rant, and this is a topic upon which I could write a great deal (and may do so in a future entry). But for now, I'm off to browse T-Shirt Hell's remaining stock as well as the return of some classic shirts and some from the now defunct "Worse Than Hell" section, and I urge you, whether you have done so before or not, to do the same. Farewell T-Shirt Hell. Thank you for giving me some genuine laughs, making me want clothing that I could almost certainly never work up the courage to actually wear in public (and I'll be the first to genuinely declare: shame on me), and showing me that if someone actually wants to create something, no matter how controversial or esoteric, with determination and self-confidence it can be done. If only for a certain amount of time.

Stars 'n' Stripes

I'm off to America for a couple of weeks, so won't be able to update with anything massive. I'll try to do a couple of posts from there, giving some of my thoughts on my first visit to the land of the free and home of the brave, but hopefully there'll be posts from other authors here to fill the void.

Wish me luck.

(image shared under creative commons licence by Thomas Hawk)

Linkables 18/1/9

Proof that you don't need money or a studio to make something worth watching, just charisma and an idea: Paint my Album [part 1] [part 2].

Star Wars, as described by someone who hasn't seen it.

Why Google employees quit.

How to be direct and to the point in your personal blog.

Time management sims are too addictive.

Linkables 13/1/9

First links of the new year, so lets try and make 'em good'n's. (not that anyone reads these link posts).

Videos:

More great videos from TED on learning from nature in robot movement and self aware robot concepts.

The best sporting video clips of 2008 from the Guardian.

Ninja dance (watch to the end, it's totally worth it) and weather cat.


Games:

Geography quiz, airport-based time management and super-simple top-scrolling shooter.


Articles:

The Boston Globe ideas section on linguistics and tricking the brain.

Best print media errors and corrections of 2008.

Filmography 2008: BamBi Edition

In the same way as Telf has, and as I did for 2007, the films I saw that were released this year reviewed in under twenty-five words with a score out of ten.

There Will Be Blood
A gripping and intense story that you don't just watch, you experience. Day-Lewis is superb. A film I cannot fault.
10/10

Cloverfield
A snappy action-disaster film which does everything it attempts well. The real star is the monster. The handheld style works better on DVD.
8/10

In Bruges
Not what I was expecting at all. Wry and irreverent humour that works very well, and a cast that fits together in a very satisfying way. A new favourite.
8/10

Jumper
Boring, underdeveloped sci-fi/action tosh that even Samuel L. Jackson can't save.
4/10

Vantage Point
A novel concept that becomes overdone halfway through and is then dropped in favour of Hollywood tripe two thirds in.
5/10

Funny Games U.S.
Some solid performances throughout, but ultimately too nihilistic for its own good. A gripping watch but without enough substance in the end.
7/10

Iron Man
Despite slow and unfocused sections and a tacked-on bad guy at the end, this stays slick all the way through. Downey Jr. is fantastic.
7/10

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
A great action adventure. Ford is great, the supporting cast fine. A couple of silly moments, but otherwise highly enjoyable, and most certainly Indy.
7/10

Sex And The City
Feels well made, but I've never seen an episode all the way through, so its impact upon me was limited.
6/10

Kung Fu Panda
Well written with highly polished and vibrant animation. Black and Hoffman steal the show, but the Furious Five's vocal cast support solidly.
7/10

The Happening
Shyamalan churns out a pretentious, slow and ultimately uninteresting film. Wahlberg is so wooden he should be sold in Wickes.
5/10

The Incredible Hulk
Flat, unfocused, not very interesting. A waste of both a great cast and a franchise.
4/10

WALL-E
Flawless cinema. Ingenious in its crafting and execution. Endearing and sweet whilst having a seriously bleak (but entirely non-preachy) message. Superb.
10/10

Hancock
Smith is great as the eponymous hero with solid support. Loses its way a little in the second half, but ultimately a very good film.
7/10

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Slightly too long and a little lacking in pace and focus at times. That said, Del Toro has been allowed free reign with the characters and has created an excellent film.
7/10

The Dark Knight
Sprawling, gothic and highly polished. The whole cast is fabulous and the story is crafted masterfully. The standard by which comic book films will now be judged.
10/10

Mamma Mia!
Vacuous ABBA-fest with a ridiculous story. Luckily it never takes itself seriously for a second. Still pants though.
3/10

Tropic Thunder
Leaves you feeling a little lost at the start, but once this gets going its great throughout. Very, very funny. Cruise is a sensation.
8/10

Burn After Reading
The Coen Brothers doing what they do best very well. Outlandish characters in absurd situations. Finely crafted, very clever and very, very funny.
9/10

Quantum Of Solace
Somewhat disappointing, but only because Casino Royale set the bar so high. Gritty and well made, but the plot is confusing and the humour is absent.
7/10

And the ones I wanted to see, but never did...
Teeth
4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days
Be Kind Rewind
Leatherheads
Shine A Light
Son Of Rambow
Man On Wire
Hamlet 2
Righteous Kill
Ghost Town
Lakeview Terrace
RocknRolla
Body Of Lies
Happy-Go-Lucky
W.
What Just Happened
Synecdoche, New York
Zack And Miri Make A Porno
Soul Men

I don't watch enough films to do a film round-up so...

...here's a meme that I've done pretty much every year on one of my other blogs for the last five years or so.

Meme of 2008

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Spontaneously decide to mission it down to London for a gig at the Albert Hall the day before said gig. Leave the gig just in time to get the last train back to Birmingham at 1am-ish in the morning and then go to work the following day. About 36hours into a new relationship with my travelling comapnion.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't. But I have made some this year. I'm doing pretty well so far, but we're less than two weeks in.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My great aunt Haidee. She's been in a home for several years and I hadn't seen her since my early teens. She'd had a stroke and then dementia in recent years and probably didn't remember any of us too well. I was terrified of her when I was small, but grew to understand her sense of humour more when I was a bit older. She was headmistress of girls' boarding school in Kenya for 30 years or so and taught maths. A truly inspirational woman. Mum did her funeral.

5. What countries did you visit?
Thailand and France.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Job security. More time for creative writing. More self-belief. I'm working on the second two, not a lot I can do about the first one.

7. What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
12th April. I persuaded Ed to go out with me.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Probably interviewing Colin Dexter, creator of Inspector Morse. That, and blagging a free hot air balloon ride for me and a photographer.

9. What was your biggest failure?
RInging up a woman who had committed a terrible crime more than 50 years ago, and atoned for it, to see if she would be willing to talk to us about it. I had a pretty good idea what she would say and I shouldn't have disturbed her, even if a senior colleague told me to.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Some little sod bent my knee entirely the wrong way in judo. And I had lots of colds, as usual.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My iMac. So pretty. It's my precioussss.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My sister's. She's had a tough time, boywise, but she hasn't let it stop her and I'm really proud of her. Also, well done the American public, for electing Obama.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Politicians mainly, but that's par for the course.

14. Where did most of your money go?
On food probably and rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to see Joan Armatrading with Ed, going up in a balloon, going home for Christmas.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Grace Kelly - Mika, I know it's not recent, but I had it pretty much on repeat while on holiday in France. It reduces me to a giggling, bouncing ball of joy each time I hear it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
I. Sadder or happier? Happier. Things are a whole lot better than they were 12 months ago.
II. Thinner or fatter? Fatter. But not lots. And once it is warmer and I don't have a sodding cold, more exercise will happen..
III. Richer or poorer? About the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing for myself. That's one of my resolutions this year

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work! Hehe.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it with my family of four, muchos fun :)

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yup. Though I'm not really sure what love is anymore.

23. How many one-night stands?
I don't really do one-night stands. So none.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
Meh. Don't really watch TV anymore. Out of sequence, Patrick introduced me to Screenwipe and The West Wing, both of which are awesome on a stick. I watched Merlin for lack of anything better to do, but acknowledge that it really was quite shite.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. At times I had to stop reading, it was so physically painful to carry on.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Didn't listen to much new stuff this year. Things that were new didn't impinge greatly. Jens Lekman (the one song I posted on here is the only one I know) and The Knife's original version of Heartbeats (covered for the Sony Bravia advert with the bouncing balls) were both awesome but I never got beyond the one song. Newton Faulkner was a pretty good find.

28. What did you want and get?
Mean Girls on DVD. Win. I'm sure there were other things, but I've forgotten what they were.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Probably Mamma Mia! actually, though I don't remember seeing many films this year, I think I saw The Other Boleyn Girl (not bad, but raised a lot of feminist ire), Hellboy II (good, but the climax of the film was completely undermined by another crucial aspect of the plot, which was a bit dumb really), Iron Man (boring shit), The Dark Knight (too long and disjointed), but wait... changed my mind, Kung Fu Panda! Mamma Mia! is number 2 though.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 24. And I had a barbecue in my back garden with friends. Which is exactly what I did last year. Freaky-deaky.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Doing more creative/freelance work.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Young professional, with hints of rock chick/tomboy. When at home, jeans and a sweater. I've moved out of leather jackets into chunky knit fabrics for the top layer. This is possibly a good thing and leads to fewer accusations that I'm a secret leather fetishist.

34. What kept you sane?
The fact that I'd rebuilt my psyche from the bottom up and was focused on pleasing myself rather than other people.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
He's a hardy perennial, but probably David Bowie, but only in a low-key background general adoration kind of way. I've never really done celebrity crushes.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Anything to do with women's rights, generally.

37. Who did you miss?
Ed, when I wasn't with him.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Tom. Who I actually knew sort of before, because he was a couple of years ahead of me at uni, but I'd never really spoken to him. But he works at the same engineering firm as my boyfriend and comes out with us a fair bit.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Positive thinking does work. But you have to do an awful lot of it. Wanting to be over someone doesn't make it happen faster.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Some mirrors have been broken,
and some things pull you back,
but I see something growing up from the cracks" - Cracks, by Thea Gilmore

Define "define"...

It seems that Empire magazine have taken a slightly different tack on what they did to review 2007 in film. Last year they produced their top 25 films of 2007; for 2008, they've opted for the 50 films that "defined" the year. My thoughts:

- I agree that looking not just at the very best films of the year, taking into account the films that were impactful in other ways as well, is a more rounded and objective way of approaching summing up film in 2008. However, as with any list of this kind my main issue is with clarity, or a lack thereof. How are Empire defining how a film "defines" a year? Popularity? Social impact? Launching careers? Some kind of parameters would be useful in knowing exactly how they've weighed up these 50 films against all the others released last year.

- I have seen twenty-two of them - an improvement on last year's six out of twenty-five. There's a dozen or so more that I wanted to see before reading the list, and three or four more have joined that list since reading the list.

- On The Incredible Hulk: "Louis Leterrier's daft, punchy Hulk-take isn't as good as Ang Lee's, and made less money at the box office. There's a lesson there...". I couldn't agree more. Probably the most disappointing film of 2008 for me, mainly because, with such a talented cast and the comic book adaptation/"reboot" market booming, it was a real wasted opportunity.

- On Mamma Mia!: "Ropey A-list ABBA karaoke or just, y'know, a good laugh? Either way, it's a box-office phenomenon, making more at UK cinemas than The Dark Knight. Eek!" - In answer to the first question, definitely the former. As for outdoing The Dark Knight at the box office, that's just depressing more than anything else.


All in all, an interesting list, but I'd like to see Empire's top 25 films of 2008 as well, because whilst the good, the bad and the mediocre are important in reviewing the year, ultimately the cream of the crop is what any film fan is truly interested in.

Filmography 2008

Same as for 2007. All the films I saw in 2008 at the cinema, in less than 25 words.

Lust, Caution
Intriguing thriller that possibly moves too slowly for its own good. Great visuals, acting and a subtle script that leaves a lot unsaid.
8/10 [my full review]

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
Tense, interesting, character study with great performances from everyone. Sketchy plot and potentially unsatisfying ending take the shine off an otherwise intriguing piece.
7/10 [my full review]

No Country For Old Men
A magnificent, deep, thoroughly enjoyable thriller, with more to it than might meet the eye initially. Excels in every aspect.
10/10 [my full review]

Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
As long as you don’t expect too much depth and character, there’s a dark, entertaining story to be had here.
7/10 [my full review]

Cloverfield
Tightly produced, and entertaining to watch. The short run time keeps the pace up, but leaves possibly too little room for interesting character development.
7/10 [my full review]

Juno
Unapologetically quirky. Funny and bizarre in equal measure, with great performances from everyone, especially Ellen Page.
9/10 [original review in this post]

There Will Be Blood
A very strange experience. I don't know if I enjoyed it, but it was possibly the most compelling film I have ever seen.
9/10

Grindhouse
Gritty, ballsy and ludicrously entertaining. Not perfect, but it gets out there and does something different, and with great success.
9/10 [my full review]

The Other Boleyn Girl
I'd have preferred a bit more court intruigue, and a bit less romantic fluff, but this is certainly not a lost cause.
6/10 [original review in this post]

Vantage Point
Sets up an interesting premise, and then throws it away in favour of Hollywood rubbish. Disappointing.
5/10 [original review in this post]

21
Starts well, but there's no believable darkness to the story, and it runs out of momentum after a while.
4/10 [original review in this post]

Persepolis
Stylish and well told, if lacking a some direction, depth and punch.
6/10 [my full review]

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Flashes of the real Indy experience are rare. Too smug and obsessed with self-references to be anything more than a generic action film.
4/10

The Happening
Genuinely creepy at times, but runs out of steam after half an hour. Melodramatic with no interesting diologue or characters.
4/10 [my full review]

Hancock
First half is promising. Could have been an interesting look at superhero psyche. Just another CGI-fest in the end. Pity.
6/10 [original review in this post]

Kung Fu Panda
Polished, stylish and very funny. Not massively original story, and a couple of underused characters, but overall an excellent film.
8/10 [original review in this post]

WALL - E
Entertaining without being fluffy. Deep without being preachy. Cute without being kiddy. Contains a lovable cockroach. What more could you ask for?
10/10 [original review in this post]

The Dark Knight
Exciting, thrilling and disturbing. Complex and dark. Takes the superhero genre to new heights. Heath Ledger is mesmerising.
9/10

The X-Files: I Want To Believe
Smug and uncinematic. No style or substance. No good writing. Big disappointment. Billy Connolly is good, though.
3/10 [original review in this post]

Get Smart
Tooth-grindingly generic. Watch the trailer and be done with it.
3/10 [my full review]

Somers Town
More charming than gritty, but not unenjoyable. Rough around the edges, but perfectly watchable. Good performances from all three leads.
7/10 [original review in this post]

Rocknrolla
It's no Lock, Stock, but it's not bad. Enough larger-than-life characters to cover up some of the dodgy gangster stylings.7/10 [original review in this post]

Tropic Thunder
Starts slowly. Hit and miss. Wants to be a satire, but often slips into straight comedy. Enjoyable without being brilliant. Tom Cruise is amazing, though.
7/10 [original review in this post]

I've Loved You So Long
Slow and tense, but the climax doesn't feel as dramatic as it could have. Good in general, but never brilliant.
6/10

Quantum Of Solace
Tries to do interesting things with an overarching storyline, but the plot of this particular film suffers. Good action sequences, but nothing massively memorable. 6/10

W.
Too much caricature and not enough substance. Great acting, for the most part, but the story doesn't drive deep enough.
5/10 [original review in this post]

Julia
Interesting characters and good twisting plot. Not afraid to be occasionally dark. Possibly slightly too long, and suffers from predictable ending.
8/10 [original review in this post]


And the films I wanted to see but never got around to:

• 4 Months, 3 weeks, 2 Days
• Dan In Real Life
• In The Valley Of Elah
• Le Scaphandre Et Le Papillon - The Diving-Bell And The Butterfly
• In Bruges
• The Mist
• Man On Wire
• Hellboy II - The Golden Army
• The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas
• Gomorrah
• Burn After Reading
• Max Payne
• Changeling

Goodbye 2008

In the same way as we did last year...

Best film I saw at the cinema in 2008:
Grindhouse (My review)
(runners up: The Dark Knight, Wall-E, No Country for Old Men, The Assassination of Jesse James, There Will Be Blood)

A huge number of good films there, and it's so difficult to pick a favourite, but I'm going with Grindhouse because I loved the attention to detail put in to push it from just a cinema trip to something much more.


Best film I saw (for the first time) on DVD in 2008:
Brick (my review in here)
(runners up: Sunshine, Fargo)

Brick and Sunshine both jumped pretty much into my top ten films ever on a first viewing, but Brick just scrapes it for being so inventive without needing any of the special effects flash of Sunshine.


Best TV show that I saw for the first time in 2008:
Deadwood (seasons 1 and 2)


Best single of the year (even though I know nothing about music):
N/A

Yep, I didn't listen to enough new music this year to even be able to identify a favourite single.


Best album of the year:
Heretic Pride - The Mountain Goats.


Best live show I saw this year:
Derren Brown - An evening of wonders (my review here)


Live show I wish I'd seen this year:
The Mountain Goats

If I'd had anyone to go with, I'd have gone, but I didn't want to brave them on my own for the ONE NIGHT they appeared to be playing in the UK, ever.


Best game I played this year:
Call of Duty 4
(runner up: Assassin's Creed)

The campaign is a bit overblown, but the multiplayer has sapped more of my evenings this winter than the flu.


Best non-computer game I played this year:
Warhammer

Yep, incredibly sad, but with more disposable cash than I had back when I last tried it when I was 12, this hobby is a lot more accessible, and heart-warmingly geeky.


Most time wasted this year:
www.itsyourturn.com

Playing up to 200 games of chess at once has never been so possible. Might take over your life.


Best blog I started reading this year:
Bete de Jour
(runner up: Photoshop Disasters)


Best webcomic discovered this year:
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
(runner up: Wondermark)

Meme, Myself & I: Farewell 2008

Best film I saw at the cinema in 2008:
WALL-E (honorable mentions: The Dark Knight, There Will Be Blood, No Country For Old Men)
A great year for film in many respects. Any of the films in the honorable mentions could easily have been my film of the year, as all of them pretty much created a near-perfect cinematic experience for me. I chose WALL-E over the others because the other three, whilst being immense films that I find very hard to fault, can't really be described as "fun". WALL-E, as well as being pretty much flawless as a film, ignited that warm, fuzzy feeling inside me in a way that very few films have done since I was a child, and that's why it's my film of the year.

Best film I saw (for the first time) on DVD in 2008:
The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford

Best TV show I saw (for the first time) in 2008:
Robot Chicken

Best TV show I continued to watch in 2008:
Doctor Who (honorable mention: Lost)
This was an incredibly close call. Lost continued on very well, moving itself forward by answering questions and through the use of flashforwards as well as flashbacks. The story is getting more and more intriguing as it closes in on the climax. I'm going to watch until the very end, and as the series heads to its end the last two seasons have the potential to be very very special. Doctor Who just seems to go from strength to strength however, showcasing some of the most incredible writing and fascinating plots I can remember seeing in a TV show for a very long time. For anyone who is still not convinced by Doctor Who, I would recommend you watch the two part story from the most recent series (series 4) Silence In The Library and Forest Of The Dead. The story told through those two episodes is simply fantastic, and easily rivals any feature film story. Although I'm disappointed to see David Tennant leave the role, I'm really looking forward to seeing how Matt Smith handles the role when he takes over in 2010.

Best singles of 2008:
Noisia - Cannonball
Danny Byrd - Shock Out
Pendulum - Propane Nightmares
Ting Tings - That's Not My Name
Wiley - Wearing My Rolex

Best albums of 2008:
Justice - A Cross The Universe
Chase & Status - More Than Alot
Portishead - Third

Most annoying song of 2008:
The X Factor Finalists - Hero
Kaiser Chiefs - Never Miss A Beat
Adele - Chasing Pavements

Best artist I started listening to this year:
Metallica
I know, not exactly a new band, and I'd heard a few bits and pieces by them in the past, but I bought Metallica (The Black Album) this year and think it's fantastic. I've since bought their newest album, Death Magnetic, but haven't had a chance to listen to it properly. I'm pretty sure if I had it would be a candidate for one of the best albums of the year though. I look forward to exploring Metallica's back catalogue further in 2009.

Best live show I saw this year:
Bill Bailey - Tinselworm
Bill gets zanier each time I see him. It was basically like having him stand on a stage and spout a stream of consciousness at the audience, occasionally picking up an instrument and doing something both wonderful and hilarious with it. Tinselworm seemed to rely less on Bill's comedy songs and more on his comedy routines, and whilst I could sit and listen to Bill Bailey's songs all day, it was quite refreshing to see him doing something slightly different to what I've seen before. I've heard that the DVD version of this show, filmed at Wembley Arena, is in some ways overpowered by Bill's use of technological wizardry and creating spectacle, not leaving enough room for the man himself and his humour (I own the DVD, but having not watched it yet I can't comment); I saw the show with Hayley at the Gielgud Theatre, and the show was largely absent of technology, relying mainly on Bill Bailey being Bill Bailey, so I'll be interested to see what I think of the Wembley version.

Live show I wish I'd seen this year:
Pendulum playing live as a band anywhere.
I saw them as a birthday present from Hayley performing a DJ set, which I've seen them do a few times before and which was fantastic, but I've yet to see them play as a band. I've salivated over the video clips on YouTube, and I've decided that they are the band I need to see in 2009 if I possibly can.

Most time wasted this year:
Facebook (second year running)

Best webcomic I've started reading this year:
Dinosaur Comics (honorable mentions: Wondermark Lite, Left-Handed Toons)


I look forward to hopefully reading other writers' reviews of 2008. Here's to plenty more entertainment throughout 2009.

New Year Confusions

Ladies, Gentlmen and Smismars, welcome to 2009. Like Bambi, I too eschew plans for crazily over-elaborate and expensive new year celebrations in favour of spending time with people I actually like and can have a conversation with. The two best new years I ever spent were as follows:

1. Travelling to Orkney for a week and spending it in a shack with no electricity or heating. There was whisky, beer, new year's day hiking on the Island of Hoy, visits to the neolithic village of Skara Brae and playing of ultimate frisbee on the beach while wearing three layers of clothes.


2. Getting in free to a Mr Scruff gig with my two best mates, after one of said mate's then boyfriend won tickets. That's the most fun I've ever had clubbing, which is saying something as usually I take to clubbing like duck to merchant banking. Even though it was a great night, we were still plagued with London transport doing its usual crap thang and the weather being nipple-chappyingly freezing.

This year, I visited a friend in Norwich. The boyfriend decided he would accompany me and we spent a happy evening with eight other people, eating pizza and home-made chocolate brownie, drinking a bit and seeing whose quote knowledge of Futurama/Star Wars/The Simpsons/Family Guy/Narnia/random films was best. As the clock struck 12, we assembled outside and set some incendiary entertainment devices on fire. We then watched Bender's Game and stayed up discussing music until 4am-ish. All good fun. In what was possibly the geekiest New Year ever, we then watched Dune the next day. I have resolved to read it, because the film was frickin' awesome.

And now it's January 2 and I'm enjoying the liminality of this time of year. The normal operations of society have been suspended. Everything will kick back into fifth gear come Monday, but right now, it's hibernation time. I like this period, because it's the one time when I feel that it's completely acceptable to do nothing of use. It can't last too long, because otherwise you'd get bored. It's also worth quitting while you're ahead, too much of a good thing wears thin pretty quickly.

I don't usually make New Year's resolutions, I think if you're going to make changes, you should just get on with it. There is nothing particularly special about this time of year that makes it a good time to change your life, your wardrobe or your personality, but people like structure and incentives. In this instance, I guess it gives you something to get you through the dark days when, by rights, we should all be tucked up o'nights sleeping for 16 hours.

Instead of resolutions, I'm going to post a list of aims. I'm hoping if I make them public, I may actually feel under some pressure to achieve them.

I want to:
- write something for myself every day, be it my unfinished novel, a short story, a poem or a blog entry. I just want to do something with words that isn't work. I want the fun of writing back, dammnit.
- buy my own climbing harness
- start making films with my iMac
- learn how to use my Mac ftp client
- change my website's layout
- play the clarinet more regularly again
- do more exercise
- be more positive
- pass the final stage of my journalism qualification first time
- be happier at work

That's hardly exhaustive, but it's a start and hopefully it's realistic. I think the trick is not to aim too high, but do the small things and you'll get there.

We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet

Well, 2008 is behind us, and as we settle into 2009 like a brand new jumper that fits perfectly but, having not been worn in, doesn't yet feel quite comfortable yet, I thought I'd just post a few random observations of mine:


- 2008 seems to have been a year, on the whole, that a lot of people haven't liked. This is in no way backed up through any kind of research, but based purely on what I've heard and read from various friends and acquaintances. Many people I know seem to be very happy to see the back of '08. For a variety of reasons, '08 was a very good year for me, so whilst I always try to look to the future, it's a year I will look back on fondly.

- For those of you who were underwhelmed by your new year's eve celebrations, I now have a few consecutive years of experience to say confidently that it's not what you're doing that matters, but who you're with. I've spent the past few new year's eves in the company of people who mean a great deal to me: this year I had a relatively quiet night in with my girlfriend, seeing in the new year with a couple of films and some good food and drink. I still know people who build new year's eve up to be a huge event and feel that they have to either do something momentous or get so drunk that even if they manage to see the clock tick over to midnight they won't remember it, both of which usually cost significantly more than on any other night of the year. If you found this year that your new year's eve didn't live up to your expectations, next year I recommend that you don't have any expectations, and just make sure you're with people that you care about and who care about you. In my experience, it beats paying over the odds to have a hangover on new year's day every time.

- Whilst FOTSLJW has fluctuated in its activity over the past year, my activity possibly fluctuating more than that of anyone else, I still feel incredibly proud to be part of this little online community of opinion, esotericism and self-amusement. In some ways it's a shame that we did not quite reach the "one entry for every day of the year" milestone (only two entries short), but at the same time the amount of entries in this blog's first full calendar year I think is a fabulous achievement, and every topic discussed in 2008 demonstrates the wide range of ideas and occurrences that this blog, and its contributors, cover and consider. I look forward with zeal to the continuance of FOTSLJW into 2009, and wonder what all of the contributors will be doing in a year's time, and indeed if we will be joined by any new contributors.


I shall leave at that for now. Happy new year to everyone and anyone who reads this blog (if you haven't already made yourself known, 2009 is the year to do it) and I wish you a prosperous and positive year ahead.

Linkables 26/12/8

2008 in photographs, from The Big Picture, part 1, part 2 and part 3.

DeathKiller, a love story.

If programming languages were religions.

Unbelievable civil rights violation for family who made unconventional child-naming decisions.

Funky WWI-themed strategic flash game. Send thousands of men to their deaths without ever leaving the comfort of your chair.

A very cool video connecting six-years worth of self-taken photos:


And finally a great talk from the TED series about why we are(n't) happy.

Seasons greeting from teh interweb

Google wishes you

• a very merry christmas (1,260,000)
• a very scary christmas (5,280)
• a very mary christmas (2,550)
• a very berry christmas (2,480)
• a very cherry christmas (1,650)
• a very hairy christmas (954)
• a very jerry christmas (277)

and

• a happy new year (4,640,000)
• a crappy new year (4,000)
• a sappy new year (418)
• a gappy new year (100)

Also, priority-wise:

• christmas AND party = 149,000,000 results
• christmas AND gift = 135,000,000 results
• christmas AND sex = 63,300,000 results
• christmas AND turkey = 55,800,000 results
• christmas AND jesus = 37,000,000 results

Also, Christmas - not as good as you think.

Hope everyone's spreading the peace and goodwill. Merry Christmas :D

Conversationally

So picture the scene. Big London theatre. Glitzy night out. A group of us on our way to see a certain comedian. Delightful. As we traipsed through the wood-panelled and richly carpeted interior, we came accross an employee of the theatre, standing in front of the door apparently leading to our seats. Dressed smartly, and with a polite smile on his face, this gentleman was clearly epitomised the stylish, classy experience we had come to the theatre for. However, he still stood between us and our seats. Hoping for directions to our place in row P, one of my companions held out her ticket towards him and asked "P?", hoping to be ushered through. His response? "The toilets are just through there, madam". And to our laughter and my companion's faux-shocked "what kind of woman do you take me for", he offered only a shrug and the cryptic "Welcome to Shaftesbury avenue, mate" in response.


Now we're on a bus in beautiful suburban Putney. Towards the back of the bus are two kids on their way to school. I guess about 9 or 10. They're behind me, so I can't really see. Unfettered by any adult supervision. Apparently playing some sort of game.

Boy: "Look, there's a silver car"
Boy: "Made you look" *punch*
Girl: "Ow."
Boy: "Look, there's a house"
Boy: "Made you look" *punch*
Girl: "Ow."
Boy: "Look, there's a lamp-post"
Boy: "Oh my gosh, look... look!"
Boy: "Oh my days. I made you look" *punch*
Girl: "Ow."

at this point, the girl was apparently becoming wise to his subterfuge, and so he had to change the game they were playing in order to continue with the fun.

Boy: "Double E" *punch*
Girl: "I thought we weren't playing that any more"
Boy: "We're always playing it. Double A" *punch*
Boy: "Double P" *punch*

it became apparent that they were looking at repeated letters on anything outside the bus, particularly number plates.

Boy: "Double N" *punch*
Girl: "Double V" *punch*
Boy: (spotting a sign with a telephone number on it) "Double O. Triple O." *punch* *punch* *punch*
Girl:"What do you call it when there's four O's?"
Boy: "Qu-triple O" *punch* *punch* *punch*
Girl: "Ow."
Boy: "Double upside-down M" *punch*
Boy: "Double Z. Double G. Double 4" *punch* *punch* *punch*
Girl: "Where? You're making them up!"
Boy: *laughs*


And finally some shorter ones, such as the guy on the train who broke off his conversation with his mates about the amount they'd be drinking that evening to watch a woman walk past them and leave the train and then remark to his companions: "Ooh, big legs... big legs". It wasn't clear whether this was a compliment or not.

Or the girl behind the bar, who felt the heat coming out of a freshly opened dishwasher and stated "Ooh, I'm right cold. I wish I was a glass, so I could just sit in there all night".

Or the guys on the tube who went from discussing business, to giggling like schoolchildren when someone farted nearby. "That's good!" one of them pronounced. "That's fucking Camembert!"


Who needs an ipod when the people around you can be so entertaining.

Snowdrops on Moses and noses on mittens

Seven things that make me happy.

1. Summer thunderstorms
I love the release of the tension in the air when a really big storm hits during a hot, humid day. I remember once running outside to stand in a downpour wearing a vest top and skirt. My boyfriend at the time just couldn't understand it, but the feeling of cold rain on hot skin was simply blissful.

2. Books
When I started at school, I was pretty much the only child in the class who couldn't read. Within a term, I'd learnt and there was no stopping me. Books are amazing, absorbing, transporting and once I start reading a good one, not much will stop me, short of being hit round the head with blunt instrument or forcibly prizing the book out of my locked fingers. I get so caught up in books that they regularly reduce me to tears (of sadness or laughter), but there's nothing quite like the quiet solitude of the printed word. They're infinitely portable, require no batteries and good books can yield new insights on every re-reading. They can provide an easily accessible form of escapism or, whether in fact or fiction, provide earth-shattering insights into all sorts of things. You can say the same of TV, film or radio, but there's something about reading it in a book that helps you have the realisation by yourself.

3. Playing my clarinet
I've played the clarinet since I was 10. Playing on my own is fun, but there's nothing quite like the buzz you get of playing in an ensemble. I don't know the science of it, but certain chord progressions, tunes, key signatures etc. are known for generating feelings of happiness and wellbeing. Over the years, there have been times when all the hairs on the back of my neck have risen up, and I've felt simply electrified to be playing in a group. The feeling of being part of live performance can be amazingly uplifting, like a gentle, prolonged orgasm. It's not the same as a sexual experience, but some of the physical sensations are remarkably similar. The feeling of everyone playing together, getting it right and producing something moving and beautiful and unique is just wonderful.

4. Writing
When I produce something that feels original, skilled, interesting and well-crafted, it really is immensely satisfying. It's good to put something of yourself out into the world.

5. Skin
Skin is amazing. It is so sensitive and soft. There is nothing like the feeling of skin on skin. This ranges from sex to the touch of finger tips on the back of the neck. From shaking hands when you first meet someone, to embracing them before you leave. All the sensations are exquisite in their own way. Harking back to the first point slightly, skinny dipping is one the best things I have ever done. Feeling the whole of your body being caressed by water all at once without a swimsuit is a fantastic sensory experience. It makes you feel really whole in a way you don't most of the rest of the time. You are aware of every inch of the surface of your body and it gives a wonderful feeling of inter-connectedness. I've only done it twice and I really hope the opportunity presents itself again.

6. Dancing
I love dancing. I love moving to a rhythm or beat. There doesn't have to be tune, even, a set of complex rhythms will do. I love things like African or Japanese drumming. I don't care what I look like, I just love feeling a pulse and expressing that through movement. I don't like learning a set of steps, I just like moving in a way that feels natural to me. I would say I'm a good dancer, but the secret of that is just to be confident in what you're doing. Inhabit your body, don't be ashamed to do what you're doing and you'll be fine. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you, as long as you move to the beat, it doesn't matter.

7. Leather jackets
I have five (one brown, one blue and three black). At one point I had seven. I don't own any other leather clothes, like trousers or shirts and I'm not into heavy bondage. I just love leather jackets. I've bought brand new ones, I've been given old ones, I've bought second hand ones in charity shops. They're practical, durable, always stylish, comfortable and versatile. They're probably my favourite pieces of clothing out of everything I own.

Following the trend, some little things I like:

1) Things which fit together really neatly, particularly when packing / tidying and when the items involved have no particular reason to fit at all. Also true in numbers, for example shopping when it all adds up to a nice number.

2) Films with a childish imagination; 'Finding Neverland' and 'Tideland' are fine examples (though no-one I've shown it too has liked 'Tideland' yet).

3) Waking up feeling refreshed. Hard to make happen, but lovely when it does.

4) Playing a game / sport where you know you and your opponent have both played really well (and know it), and the game / match was extremely close. This is especially nice when you win : - )

5) The smell in the air after rain, which I'm told is ozone.

6) Really good cryptic crossword clues (which you get)

7) Computer games which can be 'perfected', i.e. you can spend as much time as you want going everywhere, collecting everything, etc

Warm n' Fuzzy

Memes are sometimes met with groans in the blogosphere on the internets round these parts, but I do generally enjoy reading them. Sure, they can be lazy post-generators, but with a little effort, they can be something much more interesting. It's often easy to lose the personal aspect of a blog in the more ranty or abstract posts, and I often really enjoy reading a blogger's answers to a list of meme questions, or completion of a meme task. In that spirit, then, I shall keep an eye out for interesting memetic content (since, you know, it's not like we're overflowing with posts here, discounting the absurd spike this last week). And indeed, I shall start now, by following in Bambi's footsteps and completing Martin's suggested meme.

So, in no particular order, some things I like...

Lie Ins. In particular the moment when you wake up, realise it's a holiday and allow yourself to settle back into the warm pink embrace of sleep, drawing up the covers around you.

Watching rain from somewhere dry. Especially inside a conservatory, tent or somewhere with a thin roof, where you can really hear the rain lashing down. Bonus points if I'm curled up in an armchair, have a mug of something hot and if I can see people outside in the rain and the cold.

Having nothing to do for a day. I know people who are so busy they barely eat or sleep, and though they certainly get lots done, I feel like they miss out on the joy of a truly free day. One for which you haven't even pencilled in any tasks or activities. One in which anything can be accomplished, and everything is possible. The knowledge that I don't need to get out of my pyjamas or leave my house until I return to bed really clears my mind and makes everything I end up doing seem more enjoyable.

Organising my computer. In case you weren't aware, I really like my computer. And though I shy away from tidiness is almost every other aspect of my life, I thoroughly enjoy getting the innards of my computer working well. Especially with the large amounts of downloaded media I have, getting it all into a state where I can easily find any particular item is somehow extremely cathartic.

The internet (and being a geek therein). Watching a brand new information communication structure emerge within my lifetime has been massively exciting. I don't know how anyone can look at the internet as a technological, social, philosophical or cultural achievement and not just be blown away by its scope, its success and its possibility.

Being good at what I do. Yeah, it sounds horribly self centred, but that's what this kind of post is all about, and I do get great pleasure at the moment from doing my job well. It's a big change to go from spending school and university doing endless exercises and exams that ultimately mean nothing to a job where suddenly the work I'm doing is both helping people to better do their jobs as well as helping a small company to grow.

Being this age. Being just old enough to finally have almost reached total independence, with all the repercussions thereof, while being young enough to be healthy and unhindered by real responsibility. Secure job, no dependants, plenty of free time and living in a big city with a huge number of my friends. Having the rest of my life to worry about pensions and savings and mortgages. Being old enough to have learnt from some mistakes, and young enough to make many many more.

It was tough to narrow it down to just seven, there. Coming soon, seven things I hate...

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

So Martin tagged all the contributors to this blog (not including himself) on his own blog to complete a meme where you name seven things you like. I appear to be the first to do so, but I hope I'm not the last.

Seven things I like:

1. Being in a relationship. I guess that's a pretty wide-ranging thing to like, but I couldn't pick out just one thing. Relationships are things that I have relatively little experience with, so to be in one (and such a positive one) is both a feeling of exhiliaration, fulfilment and treading on new ground. Having been with my girlfriend for almost seven months, I can't imagine being with anyone else, nor can I imagine not being in a relationship. I feel more grown up than I ever have, and I really really like that.
2. Drum and bass music. Whilst I don't listen to drum and bass exclusively, of all the types of music I listen to it's probably the genre that I could do that with most easily. There's enough artists out there (Chase & Status, High Contrast and Sub Focus to name but three) creating fresh and exciting drum and bass tracks to keep the music interesting, innovative and definitely worth keeping up to date with. Also, still the most fun music to dance to by far.
3. Pupils who make teaching worthwhile. The ones who go out of their way to achieve their very best, and show their appreciation of you striving to help them. Whilst I genuinely want to give all the support I can to every pupil I teach, it's the ones who show their elation at succeeding after you've helped them that remind me just why I chose to become a teacher in the first place. There are lots of other things about teaching that I like, but this one is much more in the forefront of my mind than any other at the moment.
4. Watching films I haven't seen before and really liking them. Watching a film and enjoying it is one thing, but few things beat the feeling of when you walk into a cinema or stick on a DVD and a couple of hours later feel like you've experienced a film that will stay with you for a long long time because of how much you enjoyed it. This has happened to me recently with the Lethal Weapon films; the feeling is at its best, however, when the film is little-known or non-mainstream, as it gives you the added bonus of feeling like you've discovered a hidden gem in the vast seas of forgettable cinema. Wes Anderson and the Coen Brothers do this most regularly for me.
5. Dr. Pepper. Best fizzy drink ever.
6. Not waking up to an alarm. The fact that waking up to an alarm always, without fail, feels like such an unnatural thing to do, coupled with the fact that I have to wake up to an alarm five days out of seven on a regular basis, makes waking up when my body wants to wake up on the remaining two days all the more sweet.
7. Michael McIntyre. The more I see of him, the more I like him. Hilarious, personable, and never appears to pretend to be someone he's not. A comedian who has quickly joined the ranks of Ricky Gervais and Bill Bailey as one of my favourite stand up comedians.

I hope that's given you some insight into my mind at the moment. I look forward to reading any other lists that go up here. And as pretty much everyone I know who blogs writes here, I'll leave it to someone else to pass this on via tagging.

Linkables 11/12/8

Just a few links today. And one hilarious video:

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

It's official, Obama is not, in fact, British. (BBC, as usual providing us with plenty of title quotation marks for me to fume about).

Apologies if it resurrects nasty memories for some, but you too can experience the joys of the eleven plus from the comfort of your own home.

Andy may have beaten me to it, but I'm still going to link to Time's Top Ten Everything Of 2008.

Explore the popularity of search terms across the United States...

And finally, from the blogs, Bete de Jour and babies, Belgian Waffle and birthdays.

Hannah beleefs in teh Ceiling Cat

Ceiling Cat Creed
We blieves in one big kitteh, Ceiling Cat,
who maded teh urfs an teh skiez
an all teh cheezburgers an teh invizibul bicycles an stuff.
We blieves in one happycat, Jeebus,
onliest son ov Ceiling Cat,
bornded beefor all teh cheezburgers an stuffs,
He gots some Ceiling Cat in him, srsly, k?
He helpded Ceiling Cat makes all teh cheezburgers an stuffs.
"Fer all teh kittehs he comez down frum teh ceiling
an beez a kitteh thru da Force an teh virjn Hello Kitty! wit no hankie pankies,
an was reely a kitteh, srsly.
He got teh crucify fer us kittehs by Pilate;
An gots todally pwned and faceplanted.
An caem bak to lief on teh thrd dai liek it wuz fortolded in teh Bible
An went bak up to teh Ceiling, an tuk a nappy in teh sunbeam nex to Ceiling Cat.
He will come bak daon frum teh Ceiling, to be teh judge ov teh live kittehs an teh dead kittehs.
An hiz kitteh kingdum bees furevr.
We blieves in Hovercat, teh giber ov life,
who comes frum Ceiling Cat an Happycat,
who we lurves jus like Ceiling Cat an Happycat,
an who tellz teh profits whut to sai.
We blieves in teh itteh bitteh kitteh committeh.
We DO NOT WANT baffs, but will hav wun fur furgivness.
We spektin to caem bak to life after we faceplant,
an lives furever in teh Ceiling.

More like this can be found at The Lolcat Bible. Some people indeed have waaaaaay too much free time. If you can stand reading back to front words, it's pretty funny.

Miscelleny

I've got another links post in the works (assuming Andy doesn't steal all my links...), so this is just going to be a bit of a general round up of randomness.

I like it when facebook throws up random coincidences in the news feed, showing people who have never met, in the same mindset:

or even the same place:
I can't be the only one annoyed when sites go out of their way to make my account less secure...
And sometimes even scrabble will fuck you right in the face:

Review: Eddie Izzard - Stripped.

The Ten Commandments. The development of language. Jesus (and his brothers). British giraffes. Tigers using iPhones. Giant squid diaries. Hannibal's Alpine journey. Squirrels, badgers and crème brulee. Appendices.

An Eddie Izzard show always promises varied rambling monologues, packed with entertaining diversions and tangents, and in this aspect, his latest show, Stripped, doesn't disappoint. Everything you'd expect to get from having seen his previous shows is there (though I'm not familiar enough with them to be able to compare overall quality), and he is a very entertaining performer to see live. There were very few lines that fell flat, and a good number of times (particularly in the second half), I found myself unable to breathe from laughing.

There were some down points. As Martin mentions, he does kind of seem to be playing a part, rather than being himself, and seemed a little guarded and reserved, possibly lacking some energy and enthusiasm. He also sometimes seemed to leave side threads before he had fully explored them, perhaps being too eager to return to his underlying plan, rather than having faith in his tangents.

The brevity of this review shouldn't overemphasise the negatives above, as they were relatively minor in an otherwise excellent evening. However, a night out in London like this is a pretty expensive proposition, and so any minor points become much more prominent in ones mind when thinking back, simply because of the expense incurred. I feel like £60 a ticket is a lot to pay to see anyone, and while the experience was certainly worth it as a one-off, I can think of very few people who would be able to make themselves seem worth every penny of that.

The night was a great success, and the performance excellent by any standards. If you get a chance to see it for less than an extortionate fee, I'd definitely recommend it, and if you're forking out for a one off night out in London, you could do worse than going to see the king of the extended tangent, still as inventive and funny as ever.

Dogs that go woof, cats that go woof...

Izzard. Wonderful. Death Star canteen. Classic.

Tonight we saw him at the Lyric in Soho. He was good, very good, and definitely worth seeing. Hannah thought perhaps there were too many noises and not enough laughter making - especially (my guess) in the first half. I thought he'd slightly become a caricature of himself. He certainly leans fairly heavily on the old stalwarts ("Never... do that bit... again...", "What the fuck was I talking about?", etc).

Still, some future classics from this evening (with apologies to the easily offended):

Student: Sir! I suffer from pong [dyslexia - renamed for simplicity of spelling]!
Teacher: Ok then, go and sit at the side and chew something.

And a few others (jog my memory in the comments, guys!). Strangely, no women's clothes this time. Also gone are the fake boobs. Quite a tailcoat though.

Overall, recommended. Very enjoyable, if bloody expensive. Better than Sexie, and with an awesome lighting design to boot.

Apologies to anyone who suffered cardiac arrest upon noticing that I'd actually contributed something. Don't bet on it setting a trend!

Laugh Out Loud

Stand up comedians I have discovered/got into recently:

Michael McIntyre -- Very, very funny. Very likeable with an accent that helps his act no end. His routines are generally about stuff that has no doubt been covered on the stand up circuit before, but putting his own spin on it makes the vast majority of his material seem incredibly fresh and regularly hilarious. Occasionally plays it a little too safe for my liking, but equally as often comes out with something pleasingly dark.
Favourite routine seen so far: using Bank Of Scotland notes in England.

Rhod Gilbert -- I saw him on Live At The Apollo (coincidentally, the episode compered by Michael McIntyre) and initially found myself underwhelmed. Once he got into his stride the man was a riot. A strong Welsh accent that gets stronger when he's wound up only makes matters more absurdly hilarious. I have since googled/youtubed him (is "to youtube" a verb yet?) and discovered that he's been around for a few years, with some fab material.
Favourite routine seen so far: attempting to buy a duvet.

Steve Hughes -- A guy my sister introduced me to. Australian, dry, very funny from what I've seen so far. Someone I'll be looking out for more in the future.
Favourite routine seen so far: straight is the new gay.

So, yeah. Check 'em out.

"Kate..."

"... WE HAZ TO GO BACK!"

(Explanatory YouTube link for non-Lostophiles).

Transparently ludicrous

Politics and media are something which I talk about a fair amount on here (often, admittedly at far too great a length and backed up by little or no knowledge or research), but politics affects us all, and media is a vital important tool in modern politics, so excuse me for a moment if I ramble on about it for a while.

The power of the news media in modern western countries is a double edged sword. On the one hand they inform us on every aspect of day to day political life, which, as well as being useful in its own right, also ensures that any shady dealings are more likely to be brought to light, which, in an ideal world, perhaps, keeps the politicians honest. On the other hand, of course, no section of the media is without its biases, and since as a whole they have what almost amounts to a monopoly on the information the public receive about politics, they can (if not explicitly, then inadvertently) lend their own weighting to issues. This leads to small stories being blown out of proportion, while potentially more important ones are ignored. And since most of us get our opinion of what is important in politics from the media (even if we try to stay objective, none of us has time to do our own research), this colours our views of politician and the political scene.

This post isn't about my opinion of the news media and its pros and cons, though. It's about how I believe politicians can do more to help the media be the best it can. And it's about Barack Obama (I know, I have like three set topics I talk about on here, huh).

Over the last few weeks, Obama has been releasing video clips addressing the public, describing his (and his soon-to-be-administration's) views on the issues of the moment (usually the economy, so far, unsurprisingly). These have been received well in general, and allow Obama to try to keep a human face on his presidency, as he descends into the maelstrom of bureaucracy and spin that is the White House.

The clips are being released on YouTube, as well as various other places, and are in keeping with the Obama campaigns ability to use the web effectively as a tool for organisation and communication. Looking at the Obama/Biden transition website confirms this too, as it outlines a huge number of policy objectives across the political spectrum, as well as invitations for the public to submit their own pressing issues to ensure that nothing has been forgotten.

In these senses, then, Obama is certainly using the internet, but I would love to see him using it more effectively and more fully. The video clips are a great gimmick, and an excellent way of connecting the administration directly to the public in a personal way, but are also too short to be of any real significance. With only three minutes per video, there's no time to really discuss the issues he raises. The video acts like a bullet point, when what I would like to see, and what I think would be more useful is a paragraph, or even an essay.

I'm not saying that the videos should be hours long and discuss each policy objective in interminable detail, indeed I think aside from the occasional longer one on a particular occasion, the videos are doing as much as they can do. Instead, what I would like to see is a real flow of information out of the White House and into the public eye. Not necessarily through the single outlet of the press room and the news media, but through the internet. The problem with a three minute video clip is that it forces a politician to sound the way they sound on the election trail, vague, well meaning, optimistic, and idealistic. Full of soundbites and slogans to catch the viewers interest. But sometime we want more than that, especially once the election is over, and the real work of governing begins. We want to know why decisions were made, why one policy is preferred to another, why this tax is going up and this one is going down, why this law is being repealed, and that one is being tightened. Exactly why, too. Not a soundbite, but an argument, backed up with statistics. And a public argument, facing up to the concerns and fears of the voters and of the political opposition. Not spin, unless you describe any government release as spin, but an honest account of what the government is doing, day to day, meeting to meeting, law to law.

Imagine a database of public-directed, government-released information, accessible online (and I'm not talking just about America and Obama here, he was merely the trigger for this - it can be imagined for any country). Kind of a combination of a rolling manifesto and the responses to petitions on the Downing street website. Every policy decision outlined in as much detail as possible. Opposition questions and complaints predicted and addressed (and with the database updated with new responses as new queries arise). An account of every vote and every meeting. Every government study and independent body would have their results released here, and every law discussed would be spelled out and broken down.

If a government is confident in their stance on a particular issue, then there should be no problem with this sort of public log of their intentions, their progress and their successes. And if a government is not confident of allowing public scrutiny of their intentions and decisions, then I would suggest that those intentions and decisions may need to be re-thought.

This kind of undertaking would be the best possible way to inform the public on government intentions and reasoning. The public, the media and the opposition would all be able to look at the argument put up by the government (and backed up by statistics and testimony) before responding. The government would be able to clearly and easily respond to specific concerns raised by any of these bodies, and it would be much harder for the party in power to be accused of dodging questions, or avoiding giving straight answers.

By building up a database of the governmental thought process, as it were, an administration also protects themselves to some extent against future queries about previous decisions. Why did the government decide to spend rather than save at this point? Well let's check the records and find the exact reasoning. Why was this policy supported, rather than something more strict, or more relaxed? Here's an article describing the pros and cons of each option, and the decisions that were taken in getting to a final choice. Links are provided, of course, to transcriptions or minutes of appropriate meetings and to any statistical reports or data used in the process.

Logistically, clearly, it is not something that could just be created overnight, and it would need to be built up over time (maybe it's even so impractical that it would be impossible to find the money or the manpower to support it), but I can't see any real reason why it would not work as a concept, and it seems to me that this kind of transparency would be a great antidote to the constant accusations of spin levelled at politicians.

Have the database run by an independent body if necessary, to avoid claims of government interference, ensure all data changes are logged, and all changes and additions read and approved by someone in some kind of authority.

Of course, all of this is based on my possibly ludicrously idealistic notion that it is possible to have a spin-free government, that takes responsibility for all of its actions, works constantly for the good of the country rather than the good of the party, and is confident enough about itself to be open, honest and accountable at all times. If that sort of government is something that can never happen, then the idea of any kind of transparent record of activity is clearly a pipe dream, and the best we can hope for is the twice-filtered reports from the news media. Though the idea that honest government is impossible would, I think, be a rather depressing outlook.

How to make Coldplay more interesting

I don't have anything against Coldplay as such. Their music isn't for me at all, but that's not to say that I don't respect them as a successful band. Chris Martin seems like a nice bloke. I saw them performing from a festival on TV once, and thought they put on a decent show. But I will never buy a Coldplay album, and to date I none of their songs that I've heard have ever done anything for me. "Not my cup of tea" I think is the correct idiom to sum up what I'm trying to say.

So, for someone like me, who isn't a Coldplay fan, how does one make Coldplay more appealing? Well, like this, actually.

Add a Prodigy track to a Coldplay track creating a more energetic mash-up. Maybe have another artist cover one of their tracks, such as Pendulum or Mark Ronson, or maybe Richard Cheese or Moped if you fancy something a little more humorous. But probably not Avril Lavigne, at least not for me.

Just a few suggestions. I'll share some of my other favourite cover versions (and maybe some more awful ones too) in the future. But for now, enjoy Coldplay as they never intended.

Linkables 1/12/8

Yarr, me hearties. Some more links for ye, plundered from the briny deep of the internet. There be no law out there, ye know. Pirates are very in, right now, you know.

And while I'm linking musical youtube videos, this is a very famous one, and one which I've never got. Perhaps it's a testament to my total lack of a musical ear, but I genuinely can't connect the songs he's referencing and the base tune he's claiming they have - they just don't sound the same to me at all. Weird.

How not to reference.

For any Top Gear watchers wondering what The Stig's morse code has been saying this series.

Is it going to rain?

A little app with no purpose other than to frighten you with statistics.

And the rather sweet idea of the human clock and human calender.

For the browser-based gamers: live, multiplayer caption competitions, board games and tank battles.

Or, maybe you prefer your gaming to be more console-based. Perhaps even open-source-console based.

And finally a couple of blog posts: on getting older, and on getting pregnant.