Wednesday, 6 August 2008


To whoever left their rubbish on the back seat of the 85 bus yesterday afternoon:

Thanks for leaving your food wrapper and drinks can on the seat there. That's not inconveniencing the next person to sit down at all. Thanks for sitting opposite one of those tfl signs (the ones asking people to be considerate and not litter) for your whole journey, but not taking any of it in. And thanks especially for making sure the can wasn't empty when you dumped it on the seat, so that when I picked it up, so that I could sit down, it emptied itself over me. I was just saying to myself that the only thing that could improve the journey was if I was sticky and smelling of blackcurrant.

So thanks for making my journey everything it could be.


Andy J. Wotherspoon said...

From whoever left their rubbish on the back seat of the 85 bus yesterday afternoon:

You're welcome! At least you managed to get a witty blog post out of it, all I got was the disapproving looks of those who thought my actions inappropriate and idiotic.

Love from Assy McSpazhead.

Hanspan said...

Andy, I think you should change your name to Assy McSpazhead by deed poll.

And Patrick, you're always infinitely improved by becoming sticky and smelling of blackcurrant ;P

Seriously though, that's rubbish. It's almost as bad as the bloke I was once stood next to at a bus stop in Birmingham who stood right next to a bin, eating KFC, and throwing the bits he didn't want on the floor.

TheTelf said...

Hannah's worrying fetishes aside, thanks for the support, guys.

You haven't lived till you've spent forty minutes on a bus with some sort of awful purple chemical drink drying and congealing on your arms.


Anonymous said...

The obvious solution would have been to have licked your arms dry. That way your arms would have been clean, you would have gained a free on-board beverage, and attracted the attention of anyone on the bus who gets turned on by saliva, thereby creating opportunities to socialise with your fellow man.

Like, duh.