Reginald D. Hunter

A few choice quotations, as best as I can remember, from this evening's entertainment:

"Now I know here in Britain you have things like irony, sarcasm. A British person can insult me and it'll take me three fucking weeks to work it out. I'll be at home hoovering or something and I'll think 'motherfucker don't like me'."

"And you have cultural things that don't mean nothing to people not from that culture. I had a friend over and I made him some tea because I know you guys love that shit and I forgot the milk. And he said 'So I don't get milk in my tea?' and I said 'Whoops my bad, got some milk right here' and he was all 'no it's fine, I'll just find some way to drink this catastrophe.' I don't get it. Either you want milk, which is available to you. Or you're making me feel bad about something you don't care about.
Which makes you a cunt."

"It's got to the stage where a lot of people are coming to see my shows haven't seen me live before. They know me as that black bloke off the TV. And they come to the shows and they're shocked, bemused or disappointed. And that's because there's a difference between TV Reg and Live Reg. Because Live Reg doesn't have editors. Live Reg doesn't give a fuck,"

"People keep saying to me, 'Reg, why don't have your own TV show?' And I say I don't know how to cook, I don't know how to renovate a house and I don't know how to tell fat women they look skinny. But once I figure that shit out... every week man!"

"I was having a drink in a bar, minding my own business and I saw these five gay guys just looking at me. Wiggling their asses, trying to intimidate me with their gayness. But what they don't know about me, is that I'm very competitive."

"I'm learning more about gay people since I moved to London. Because you see, where I'm from in the deep south, a lot of black communities are still very homophobic. Now that's a gross generalisation, but it happens to be true."

"Down in the south we had a definition of racism where it meant whatever white folks did, that you didn't like."

"Now people have said that I'm sexist, that I'm a misogynist and I'm not at all convinced that's true. I don't hate women, I don't hate women any more than other women do. But I pissed off this bunch of women because I said we live in a male-dominated society, and to have a male-dominated society, you have to oppress women. And most guys are too busy to do this on a daily basis, so you get the women to do it themselves. They worry about how they look, how big their titties are, all the time. And this is why women are insane. Not mentally insane, emotionally insane. Ramp up the self-fear. And the people who like to keep us living in fear go for the women first. Because they know women have a lot of influence over men and children. Make the women afraid, and they'll disseminate it."

"Now I hate it when I hear men described as weak. 'You're afraid of commitment, You can't multi-task.' But I have never in my life, seen a man start a project and finish it. Except one. Josef Fritzl. He held his daughter hostage in a basement for 25 years and had 7 kids with her. Could you do that? Do you know a man who could? Because I couldn't. If I tried something like that, I'd probably be caught the very first day! 'Hey Reg where you going with all that wood?' I'd panic. 'Just going to build a treehouse in my basement.' 'What?' "Where I'm going to fuck my daughter oh shit!' Say I managed it for a week, I'd probably get drunk and blab about it."

"The thing about Fritzl is that we live in a time when we're told to follow your dreams, be yourself. That's what Fritzl did. What am I doing every day that is morally reprehensible but I don't question, because, hey I'm just being me? Do I fuck 7 nigerian children in the basement everyday but hey it's ok because I'm keeping it black?"

"The thing is, it's important to recognise the differences between men and women. What's your name? Sam? Ok Sam, you're an attractive young woman. And such that means you probably have the power to emotionally manipulate me. And by emotionally manipulate, I mean you could probably get me to lift something heavy for you or buy you a lot of drinks or something. That's in your skillset. But men, we can't do that. It's not in our skillset. But, I could put a sack over your head, put you in the boot of my car and hold you hostage at my house, because that's in my skillset. (pause) Still haven't figured out how to make that one funny."

"Ladies and gentleman, if you take nothing else away from this evening, remember to look at your own asshole."

Thank you and good night!