Wednesday, 28 October 2009

9 things that happen when you have a jaw full of novacaine

I had to go in for some fillings today (I've basically given up on having good teeth - I brush and floss and mouthwash, and it doesn't seem to make a difference), and so had the unenviable combination of large needles, small drills and bits of scaffolding all jostling for position in my mouth. Having been zapped with three shots of numbing-juice (after two I could still feel the agonising pain of having my tooth grinded away with metal implements), I can now reveal the following truths:

  • you develop a pronounced lisp.
  • you become incredibly paranoid about accidentally biting bits of your own mouth - to the point where you stay permanently open-mouthed.
  • you lose the ability to suck back saliva into your throat, meaning that it collects in the bottom of your mouth, unless you happen to be standing around open mouthed, in which case it drools out.
  • you gain an incredible insight into how society reacts to people who drool and lisp.
  • you become unable to spit to clear the saliva.
  • attempting to spit causes saliva to spray upwards, rather than outwards. Specifically, upwards into your nose.
  • touching your own chin and lip is like touching a piece of meat, unless you have stubble, in which case it is quite indescribable.
  • everything in the bottom half of your face becomes frustratingly numb, followed by annoyingly tingly, followed by so-painful-that-you-wish-it-was-either-of-the-other-two-again.
  • sneezing becomes a surreal experience.


Hanspan said...

Surely if you have stubble, touching your anaesthetised face and lip feels like touching meat, but with stubble?

TheTelf said...

Stop attempting to describe the indescribable! :P